The Mail Nurse: We Endeavor to Give Satisfaction
robitaille_kevin asks: How do I get tickets to watch a taping of The Soup?
As any frequent reader of The Soup Blog knows, we always open up our Q&A session with this same question. Since we manage to keep receiving this same question over and over again we can therefore deduce that there are no frequent readers of The Soup Blog. Which is in equal parts disheartening and unsurprising. So, again, here is the answer. Oh, and here. And here. And here. And here. But not here. That's something else entirely.
girlfury10 asks: hey why don't you guys like make a robot joel and him and the real joel can have a joel off !!!!!
Robot Joel? Ha ha ha! What a crazy idea! (Abort mission! Abort mission!)
Happy Birthday! (United States of Americans Only)
Hello, lovely readers! We'll be taking the rest of today and all of tomorrow off in order to prepare ourselves for the upcoming celebration of our nation's Independence from the tyrannical overlords of Great Britain. We hope the Beckhams sleep well tonight, because, God knows, they won't have an easy time of it tomorrow.
Oh, and the fan-favorite Mail Nurse letters column will be automatically published by robots tomorrow morning. Beep.
Exclusive
James Bond's Quantum of Solace Leaked Footage!
The anticipation is so intense we could serve it with orange sauce!
Quantum of Solace hits theaters Nov. 7.
Breaking News
Angelina Jolie Refuses to Give Birth
Despite the massive amount of invasive press reports surrounding the impending childbirth of superstar Angelina Jolie, the U.N. Goodwill Ambassador steadfastly refuses to give birth to the one or possibly two children gestating in her womb. Even though the staff at the French hospital, where the mother of four is staying, has been endlessly harangued by members of the paparazzi and celebrity gossip scribes, the Academy Award-winning actress is determined to let the twin fetuses created by her and fellow Hollywood A-lister Brad Pitt remain unborn.
But it gets worse...
A-Rod Separation Also Not Our Fault
As has been widely reported elsewhere, both Madonna and Lenny Kravitz have released statements denying any role in breaking up the marriage of New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez and his wife, Cynthia.
Here at The Soup Blog, we'd like to take this opportunity to also come clean about our noninvolvement in the separation.
We state vehemently and unequivocably that despite the fact that our client, Clog Narter, has on multiple occasions hissed and catcalled at the three-time American League MVP from the bleachers of the Seattle Mariners' ballfield, this happened many years ago and only ever in the spirit of the game. There has been no further relationship between Mr. Narter and either Mr. or Mrs. Rodriguez. Additionally, we would like to state for the record that although we at one time enjoyed keeping up with baseball, nowadays we find it more rewarding to watch afternoon reruns of The Rockford Files. End of statement.
Beverly Hills, 90210; Steve Sanders, 0
Some exciting news for followers of terrible television this week, as Shannen Doherty has been added to the list of possible castmembers returning to the zip code for next season's update of Beverly Hills 90210, dramatically abbreviated to 90210. Jennie Garth has also been all but confirmed to be in the rehash alongside some teenagers who will, no doubt, spend the majority of each episode making out with each other in a hot tub.
Still, it leaves us with the question of where does perpetual nonfavorite Ian Ziering's Steve Sanders character fit in to all of this? No show can be about petty backstabbing, ludicrous plotlines and reprehensible behavior, exclusively. The more lurid elements must be balanced with the mundane, day-to-day tales of a dull-as-a-doorstop personality like Steve Sanders. And no actor working today does that better than Ziering.
Producers, take note.
Setting a Precedent of the United States of America
Dennis Haysbert likes to believe his portrayal as the first African-American U.S. president on Fox's 24 may have helped pave the way for Barack Obama.
"If anything, my portrayal of David Palmer, I think, may have helped open the eyes of the American people," the actor told reporters while promoting a golf tournament.
No word yet from Geena Davis on whether or not her canceled TV series Commander in Chief, about the first female president, can be held responsible for the failure of the Hillary Clinton campaign.
Clip of the Day: Holly Blows Celebrity Family Feud
The rules, like some guests, of Celebrity Family Feud seem to be pretty loose. She unshockingly gets it wrong, but we're pretty certain Holly Madison from The Girls Next Door has an unfair advantage when asked about Hugh Hefner. Then, the other lady—who is in some way or other related to someone from The Sopranos—is awarded control for what is clearly an incorrect answer. Hmmph. Someone call Charles Van Doren. We haven't seen television this fishy outside of The Deadliest Catch.
John Oates, Mustache Costar in New 'Toon
An animated series chronicling the adventures of Hall & Oates' legendary other half, John Oates, and his mustache may soon be appearing on a television screen, not just when you close your eyes after an afternoon of piña coladas.
From Billboard.com: "In a cartoon setting, the mustache has its own personality," Oates says. "Just as I'm represented as the John Oates of today, the mustache is the John Oates of yesterday."
While certainly exciting news for fans of animation, '80s pop and hirsute upper-lip areas, this is dangerous ground they're treading on here.
We mean to say, if this project goes through—and we do believe they have the best intentions at heart—it seems only a matter of time before Ted Nugent starts getting ideas and we are forced to endure a half-hour cartoon about the Motor City Madman and his magical crossbow.
Like Polling Teeth: Molly Ringwald Edition
The naggingly beloved actress Molly Ringwald expressed a desire this week to star in a sequel to her 1984 breakout film, Sixteen Candles.
Said Ms. Ringwald, "I think it would be great. I think there are definitely a lot of people who would love to see it, and I would love to do it."
Would you love to see it? Or, would you prefer that she made a sequel to another of her films?
Clip of the Day: Passions Peels Away Deception
It’s only fun and games until someone loses...a piece of Buddig pressed ham? You be the judge, but even that fake scar looks fake. Passions must have blown its makeup budget on its pregnant man-woman back in May. Still, it’s good to finally see a soap opera where the male actors aren’t clearly outclassed by their female counterparts.
Let's Take Some E!: Lohan's Time-Management Tips
This clip is just another example of how the E! Network employs misleading editing to make the viewer think that Dina Lohan is a negligent mother, when in real reality, this kind of aggresive indifference to her children's welfare only really ever happens when she is, you know, superbusy or, like, on the phone.










